Surrogate Relationship with Intended Parent After Birth
After the beautiful and emotionally intimate experience of surrogacy, there is the lingering question of what the relationship between surrogates and intended parents will be following the birth of the child.
Post-delivery, there is no longer a “need” for contact between intended parents and surrogates. However, that doesn’t mean that both parties won’t choose to continue contact. As each surrogacy is unique, whether or not surrogates and intended parents remain in contact is completely up to both parties to decide.
When Should We Decide on Post-Delivery Contact?
It is important to discuss expectations early on to avoid hurt feelings and allow everyone’s voice to be heard. Prior to signing your surrogacy agreement, it is imperative to discuss this topic. Another great time to bring up the subject is when all parties are involved in creating the birth plan.
During this time, all parties are free to lay out their expectations. For example, if the surrogate is against post-delivery contact, then she is free to express that early on, so as to avoid that possibility later.
It also allows all parties to take time to finalize an agreement regarding contact after birth. It’s important to note that keeping contact with each other is a great way to keep the door open if you would like to explore the option of partnering in the surrogacy journey again.
For intended parents, “push presents” offer an excellent opportunity to set a precedent for contact with their surrogate after birth. A personalized gift can also include a card that leaves contact information and welcomes the continuation of the relationship. This leaves the option of communication open, without any pressure placed on either party.
What If We Don’t Want to Continue the Relationship?
If one of the parties are not interested in continuing the relationship, then all of the parties must respect that decision. Intended parents and surrogates may have very good reasons for not wanting to continue the relationship. Whatever the reasons are, it’s important to respect the boundaries set up by either party.
If intended parents and their surrogate choose not to remain in contact, it does not mean that they have failed in some way or that anyone has done something wrong. Studies have shown that the majority of surrogates are very happy with the level of contact that they have with their intended parents post-delivery, even if that means there is no contact at all.
Whether you are surrogate or an intended parent, deciding to pursue or discontinue the relationship of your surrogacy journey is complex. However, it is important to respect everyone’s wishes, so that you are able to come to an agreement regarding the relationship. Regardless of the outcome, it’s important to remember the amazing experience you have gone through with each other and the incredible bundle of joy you have created.
Simple Surrogacy is here for you if you have any questions or concerns regarding the surrogacy process. We care about your voice in the journey. We work to provide our surrogates and intended parents with the type of service you just can’t get anywhere else. Simple Surrogacy will support you every step of the way. Give us a call today!