How Do I Select My Surrogate?
How Do I Select My Surrogate?
Single men, single women and couples can all use surrogates to help them create a family for various reasons. No matter why you are choosing to pursue surrogacy, the surrogacy process has all the same steps for all intended parents, but no two journeys are exactly alike.
Among the most important factors of the surrogacy journey is choosing a guide to be with you for the entire journey. For most Intended Parents, this is a Surrogacy Agency who has experienced the many different paths a surrogacy journey can take and who can guide you through them all. For many intended parents, the hardest part of the journey is selecting the surrogate to carry their child. Matching with a surrogate is a little like dating at first- the Agency takes into consideration all the Intended Parent’s wishes and requirements and seeks to match the Intended Parents to a surrogate with similar goals. It’s a lengthy – and sometimes stressful – process, but selecting a woman to help create your family is an amazing experience.
At Simple Surrogacy, intended parents first have a consultation with our Executive Program Director, a former surrogate herself! Once the retainer agreement is signed, an intended parent profile is filled out and background and psychological checks are completed. Then it’s time to begin the fun part of finding a surrogate.
General information about surrogate candidates
In general, a woman is a good candidate to be a surrogate if she has had at least one healthy pregnancy that was free of complications. She is a healthy woman with a BMI under 33 and is between the ages of 21 and 40. She does not smoke or use drugs. One of the great things about using a surrogacy agency like Simple Surrogacy is that we pre-screen surrogates, checking their medical history, their psychological history and their background before you even see their profile- you know you will be getting only quality candidates.
How do I select a surrogate?
To get started finding your surrogate, create a list of qualities you hope she possesses. If you have a spouse or partner, talk carefully about both of your expectations. You might find it helpful to categorize your list by qualities she “must have” (aka “dealbreakers”) and qualities that would be “nice to have but ok if they were lacking.” You should also consult with your Agency to ensure your list is realistic. The more limitations or wish list items you have, the harder it will be and the longer it will take to find a surrogate. Remember, these are all real women who are mothers and who have carried a baby of their own successfully and easily. If you keep in mind the goal is a healthy normal pregnancy, it will help you to be satisfied with just a healthy, normal woman as your surrogate. With those goals in mind, you will be able to match quickly and easily with a surrogate.
Should I expect to see a lot of profiles at once? What happens if I turn down a profile?
Generally, Surrogates are a hot commodity and qualified candidates match quickly and have their choice of Intended Parents. You will likely be shown just one profile, or maybe two, at a time. Consider carefully their profile and try to envision the real woman and mother behind the paper profile. After all, no one can be captured fully on paper, and you may want to consider having at least a phone call with each candidate before fully deciding if that surrogate is right for you. Many times, a surrogate is more representative of herself and her lifestyle in a phone conversation than on paper, and you can get to know them better and ask your questions. The Agency always encourages phone calls before a final decision is made.
If you pass on a profile, there may be a wait time before a new candidate shows interest in your profile. The Agency will continue to send out your profile to new candidates, but since the surrogate will be choosing your profile first, that can take time. Carefully consider a profile before you pass on it, because if you do pass, that candidate will likely not be there if you reconsider as she will have matched with another Intended Parent quickly.
Other questions for a surrogate
In choosing your surrogate, you’ll want to discuss the following questions to ensure you are on the same page:
● How involved do you want to be with your surrogate before, during and after pregnancy? You’ll need to find a surrogate who matches your desired level of involvement.
● Will you or your surrogate want to have prenatal testing performed? How will you and your surrogate respond to potential outcomes?
● Are you and your surrogate open to a multiple pregnancy (twins, triplets, etc.)?
● Are you and your surrogate on the same page with regards to genetic conditions or birth defects?
Many of these items and situations should be first, discussed with your Agency, then will later be detailed in your surrogacy contract.
How do I find a surrogate match?
If you use Simple Surrogacy to find a surrogate, we begin the process by showing your intended parent profile to surrogates that match your criteria. We present surrogate profiles to you of women who are interested in you and your family. If you agree, we then have a moderated phone call, and from there, a match can be made and the rest of the surrogacy process begins!